you've been warned

so it's universal and not just me?

...... damn.

does this apply to girls as well?????

SO BLOODY UNFAIR.

an empty space beside me.

my nails are ruined.

from my uneasiness during the mad dash at work today

from my impatience while waiting for the cab earlier

and from how they've already been ruined right now.

today couldnt have been a worst day.

at work, pilates, dinner, cab and now this..........

i dunno what to say

nor how to feel. well, it feels like it sucks & it stings

it feels like my heart has been crushed instead of feeling relieved.

i thought maybe i'll feel relieved since i just want to hear smtg & anything from the horse's mouth. but now that it's spoken, it just pricks instead. at the end of the day, we just want to hear what we have secretly really hoped to hear. even all the worst case scenario anticipated couldn't have alleviated the pain just by a little.

if i say i dare to take the plunge,

will you do it with me?

anw... this place is becoming such a remorseful & depressing area for me to run to.... i dont even want the world to know how i really feel. but at least i can be honest here. the most honest state that you don't even know.

i hope i'll look back in time to come & laugh & cringe at my hitherto current pathetic state.

until tmrw comes, until the future comes

until everything becomes bright and sunny

and when i see the silver lining,

good night.

with friends who don't give a flying fuck where i turned out to be

checked if i got home safely

knew that i walked away

but yet continued with the merrymaking

to you who don't give a flying fuck about my life

i should stop wasting my tears.

no, really.

teach me to walk away.

nevermind, i'll find somebody like you.

hey, hullo! sup?

it's been my longest hiatus but i dunno, who's really counting?

anyone still here? ok, who cares.

i checked in a couple of days ago to write a really emo entry, it's so emo i will definitely squirm if i were read it again. so i didn't publish it.. i kno it's supposed to be my own blog but i dunno, i feel uncomfortable letting people kno how fragile i can get. i'm afraid they might think i'm bi-polar. (mmmm.. . . ... that's a thought.)

it's been an eventful week; well, not really but small accomplishments here & there.

it's songkran in thailand so HQ's email is down for maintenance & no one is working so there has been no meetings & emails (!!!) since wednesday. i usually dread these quiet moments but this time around, i'm actually grateful - so i can take my time with this quarterly report - those that made me spent hours on & in the end only to remove all the columns i spent so much time on upon revision. and i created new cute icons on my desktop... acquired a couple of new albums - adele, please check her out. she soothes my rainy afternoons....

texted clare to meet up soon. wrote back to yuki. and signed up pilates classes with wynn! i pride myself in these little accomplishments. i wish i can move on to the bigger things in life, but let's just start small first. things naturally get bigger, don't they?

and so it's been 4 weeks since i've got braces on (only upper arch for now).

gotta go for tightening tmrw, yay to moving my appointment earlier cos my archwire actually broke. god knows what happened.

gonna have a meeting dinner next week @white rabbit!

im secretly (or openly) in glee cos it's my first time there & i don't have to pay. hee... i like companies that are generous with their accounts....... and to think they're our clients instead.

there're some people who inspire me from the way they behave & the way they write.

those people who seem the least inspiring....

they teach me to be thankful.

to the bigger Him, to the him who keeps me sane, to the little sounds that indicates life, to SATC re-runs that i can always find some answers, to life's idiosyncrasies, to those who matter.

xoxo,

have a fab weekend ahead :)

braced up for the road ahead!

what goes on between us no one has to kno

cos this is a private show ;)

hello!

this is probably like one new year late

from the angmoh new year to the lunar new year!

NYE at Lionel's

the 2 drunk smu kids...

i was priding myself in my sobriety that evening, or morning!

or a part thereof ;p

piggybacking sheryl cos stupid eug piggybacked nolan

& she wanted one too!

girls of the evening - of whom i only know 2, hee.

with lionel - he's very cute right????

single, eligible, funny, & smart (i think?)!

and this CNY, i've hired a little elf (he got stuck here after xmas)

to do my spring cleaning!

my little elf cleaning my wardrobe for me

and always using the sticky roller to clean up the hair & mess

hehehe :D

this year's CNY seems to come by in such a rush

i'm not really in the festive mood, are you?

OH! at least my 2nd bro, sister in law & kuannie are back in SG :)

and OH!

i failed my driving test 2 days ago :(

i'm getting over it already so don't ask anymore!

probably better that i failed cos i dont think i'm that zai to be on the road???

looking on the bright side here. lol...

thank god for frds who shopped & drank with me thereafter

there's nothing that some friends & beer wouldn't alleviate,

even if just that lil' :)

anyhoots here's wishing,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all you folks!

祝你新年快乐 恭喜发财 年年有余 万事如意 心想事成 合家安康！

EVERYBODY HUAT AH!!!!! :D

I REALLY WANNA GO JAPAN

NAO. NAO. NAO.

!!!!!!!!!!

can anyone go with me?

*puppy face*

should i stay or should i go?

it's 10 mins more till i leave for my driving lesson

so here i am!

feeling pretty narcissistic

tho i really have no reason to be

555 (very thai, i kno)

last week @wynn's

my married friends!!!

wearing my bro's man utd vodafone jersey for golf

its more than 10 years old!!! :D

i look more like a street soccer player that evening

should i get a nose job?

:o)

-button nose checking out-

2011: the old has gone & the new has come!

highlights of 2010:

- returned to SG from exchange

- graduated (i actually did!)

- found a job after a month or so

- actually enjoy my work, most of the times, at least

- has a really good boss & awesome colleagues in SG & across the globe

- kissed a friend

- got really smashed & slpt in the toilet

- moved to pasir ris

lowlights of 2010:

- same as the above + a uber boring xmas eve.

- just kidding!

- kuannie & 2nd bro left for china; thank god for the internet

all in all, really thankful for a peaceful year where i got by unscathed and where family & friends are still here, healthy & happy. thankful for friends who cheered me up whenever i feel fat, lousy & ugly. for xmas shopping with me. for suppering & beering with me. for being around & for being the great people that you are :) time to count little blessings like these!

looking forward to 2011:

- self-discipline & improvement (includes exercising more often, reading less thrash & more real books - non-fiction, develop a niche, being a more motivated person, be more humble, forgiving, open-minded & think more for others)

- career progression

- to braces & counting down the 20-odd months ahead

- getting my driving license

- bring mom overseas for holiday

- be financial savvy

- to tokyo & other holiday destinations/getaways

- for good food & company

- and for the awesome clothes, bags, accessories & shoes!

well, i just have an inkling that 2011 is gonna be a radically different year for me in terms of personal growth & i'm truly looking fwd to embrace it... it feels like a right time to step up to the challenges ahead in life. alas, the bliss of being mature/wiser :p

i sure hope 2011's gonna be great for every one of friends & family!!! wishing the year will bring you to greater heights, filled with love, in the pink of health & making peace with self!

p/s: the way i blog feels like the way i write my emails - in headings & point forms!!! urghhHhh, occupational hazard!

what i need to sign off with now is my signature.

have a blessed year ahead, y'all :)

xoxoxoxo

bad stuff on a roll

all the bad stuff seem to be happening to me recently

and it's really putting me down

i get over things quickly but when they are on a roll,

it seems never ending

& they're further lurking....

if i reveal any emotions about any current issue, people will think i'm overreacting when they don't kno all the shits that's been hitting me... i wish i wouldn't care what others think but i'm too conscious for that.

of cos i won't be THAT upset if it was one single issue

but try a few on a roll

& the culmination of shitass feelings.

i just want to kno -

will smtg good ever happen?

i feel so cornered but i won't give up.

good night & till happier things.

emomewo

if i didn't turn down edmund's weekly invitation to zouk

then i wouldn't have gone fb surfing

then i wouldn't have seen pictures i didnt wanna see

and maybe i wont be feeling the way i do now

but reality will still hit me one day

and reality really stinks.

conclusion is i should've gone zouk tonight.

but i'm such a pussy now

scared i'll be tired at work, scared that i cannot wake up

scared get too drunk

scared this scared that

i hate this feeling

whatever happened to youth?

whatever happened to clubbing & 8.30am class?

whatever happened to doing things my own way?

you're gone from here

& soon you'll disappear

fading into beautiful light

everybody's changing & i don't feel right...