an empty space beside me.

my nails are ruined.

from my uneasiness during the mad dash at work today

from my impatience while waiting for the cab earlier

and from how they've already been ruined right now.

today couldnt have been a worst day.

at work, pilates, dinner, cab and now this..........

i dunno what to say

nor how to feel. well, it feels like it sucks & it stings

it feels like my heart has been crushed instead of feeling relieved.

i thought maybe i'll feel relieved since i just want to hear smtg & anything from the horse's mouth. but now that it's spoken, it just pricks instead. at the end of the day, we just want to hear what we have secretly really hoped to hear. even all the worst case scenario anticipated couldn't have alleviated the pain just by a little.

if i say i dare to take the plunge,

will you do it with me?

anw... this place is becoming such a remorseful & depressing area for me to run to.... i dont even want the world to know how i really feel. but at least i can be honest here. the most honest state that you don't even know.

i hope i'll look back in time to come & laugh & cringe at my hitherto current pathetic state.

until tmrw comes, until the future comes

until everything becomes bright and sunny

and when i see the silver lining,

good night.